I'm sinking underneath and you know it.

The title sums up how I feel right now. I'm so lost with everything & I'm trying so hard not to completely fall apart. I already had a mild breakdown today. This one guy in my art class at school has decided when I mess up on my painting(or any other project) it's his job to tell me. I do not know what I'm doing on this project. I have my idea but I don't know how to actually paint it. I'm very stressed out right now.

Also, my ex wants to be my friend again & it was working out till this point. He said that he was here for me if I needed him but I texted him & he never got that message. I know it's not his fault, but the last two times we've talked it's because I texted him first. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, but I'd like it if he tried to talk to me first. I reach out when I need someone to talk to but no one actually asks me what's wrong. Unless I'm about to breakdown, which was the case today. I feel completely alone.  I just want someone to be the one to randomly hug me, to brighten my day. I do that for everyone.

I'm not ignoring the fact that a few days ago several deviants complimented me one one of my pictures & told me I should smile. That did make my day, but that was only one day. Every day I have a million reasons to hate myself. I don't mean to come off as a bitch, but this is all getting to be too much.

One good thing is my school's christmas concert(yes, it's actually  called a christmas concert not a holiday concert) is coming up soon & I will be singing in the choir. I'm excited for that. I haven't sang in front of people in a few years. I'm very glad I'm in the choir. This is the closest I've been in a long time to actually feeling proud of myself.

I think that was a rather long entry. Bye for now.